on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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