Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
