I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
