one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
