what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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