we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
