You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
