You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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