you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
