I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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