she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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