He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
