If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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