i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Your cock deserves a montage
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
