i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
