she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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