sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
