Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
