It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
