I'm laying in your front yard are you home
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
