I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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