bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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