please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
