I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
