like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
