Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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