He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
