one word: firstdatebathroomanal
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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