How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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