Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
COCAINE IS GR8
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
