I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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