I just threw up on my dentist
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
