Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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