if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
