dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
