Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Randomize
