if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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