Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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