so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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