She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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