Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
