I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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