So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
