Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
