I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
