Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
