My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
