No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
