I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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