i wish my penis had a tongue
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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