Christians are straight up FREAKS
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
