And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
